if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
