I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
