I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So much rum. So many feels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
