Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
