I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
