Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
