what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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