non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
