Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
