I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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