I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
