Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google imaged poop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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