Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
