it wasn't lemon gatorade
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
