he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Randomize
