me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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