I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
