why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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