you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My dick has a subreddit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
