I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
