you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
