so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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