Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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