You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
