i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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