hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
