Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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