Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
