why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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