he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
