my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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