i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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