I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This baby is an asshole
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
