I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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