so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
