what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
