You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
