If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
thus making me awesome and them whores
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
