She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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