I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
