I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
