she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
