I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
