You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am naked and annoyed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
