i can't believe i had my finger in that
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
