I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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