Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
