I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
