Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
