Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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