wat bout pragnant strippers??
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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