I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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